What I'm Wearing:
Vintage Satin Prada Coat, Vintage Gucci Bodysuit with cutout sides, J. Crew cream Wool Pants in a size zero, so VERY tight on me, Vintage Gucci belt, and a Vintage Gucci or Prada clutch (I forget) styled by Meita Imanti from Second Time Around Vintage in Hoboken for the H Mag cover shoot
As you might know if you've been following my blog
: I'm a new mom! So I really don't have time for outfit photos these days... But talking up vintage versus trends
made me think of this fun shoot styled head to toe in vintage designer clothes, so I'm featuring that instead of my grubby outfit of the day (see below ;)). Zolie is still settling in, finding her way in this new place with all the loud noises, many, many fans mobbing her in the street and the two giant leopards...er kitties...sharing her living space with her.
She is only three pounds and thirteen ounces making her almost half the size of other cocker spaniels at two months old ;( She is so tiny and fragile right now. The vet warned me she is at very high risk for infection, so I have to take lots and lots of care of her. No pee-peeing outside until she's bigger and stronger, and I'm going to have to buy one of those obnoxious purses girls carry their dogs in... I was thinking pink naturally...Joking! With a pink leash and pink collar, not to mention pink dog tags and a pink coat, I think I have maxed out my pink credit here. Even the vet made fun of me!
Otherwise they were very nice, very smitten with Zolie (as everyone in this city seemingly is after one glance) and even made her their puppy of the day on Facebook!
Anyway these shots are from an old shoot for H Mag, photographed by Steve Berrebi, gorgeously styled by Meita Imanti with pieces borrowed from a vintage boutique in Hoboken and makeup and hair by my good friend, Gil Aldrin.
If you could have one of these pieces which would it be? It's hard to pick, but I LOVE the gucci bodysuit with the cutout sides. Especially right now, cut-outs are very big!
P.S. Here's a snapshot of me, my new love and much less glamorous mom duds ;) Although I love flannel shirts... I got this one at Forever 21 after seeing a clerk wearing it at Urban Outfitters!
What I'm Wearing:
Notre Dame football jersey my daddy got me and my favorite cat toy.
Zolie is an eight-week old American Cocker Spaniel puppy. She weighs just three pounds and thirteen ounces. At full growth she'll weigh about 19-22 pounds, a medium-sized dog. It's hard to believe she'll ever be that big...But I remember when I got my cats they could both fit into one palm of one hand. Together. Now this is what just one of them looks like.
That is just plain belly fat dripping over the side of the fridge. And yes, in case you were wondering, she is on a strict diet!
More pics coming soon. Have a great Wednesday!
What I'm Wearing:
Silk and Cyanide Dress, Aldo Patent Leather Round-toe Heels, Photos by Emily Malan
This is just a preview of a lookbook I shot last week for designer, Kristen Elmer. The shots are unedited, taken inside the Immigrant Wine Bar on 9th Street (Remember where lots of magical
things seem to coincidentally happen to me and where I lived for a year. It was kinda dark in the bar, so the flash made me look more like the ghost of immigrants past than anything else.
I love this shade of blue though! The designer asked me to pretend I was a character in Mad Men having a cocktail at a party... How do you think I did? I pretended I was Christina Hendricks of course, although I haven't really got the bosoms for it.
Well, gotta get back to my new baby. It's currently a Disney movie in my living room. I can practically hear the dubbed-in human voices narrating the almost cringingly adorable situation.
Puppy (to Big, Black Cat #1): Hi! I really want to be friends with you. I mean I really, really, really, realllllllllly do.
Big Black Cat#1 (Sharpening her pink rubber-tipped claws): Not going to happen.
Big Black Cat #2: We have enough friends. Thanks though.
Puppy (considering): Okay. But...I really, reallllly, reallllly want to be friends, etc.
The good news is Zolie has arrived safe and sound from her old home in the country to her new home in the city! She weighs in at just three pounds and thirteen ounces. I tried to provide the scale of that in these pics, but I don't know if it's possible to convey how tiny she is.
The bad news is I'm exhausted. Forgive the lack of style pictures again.
This morning I woke up at 5:30 a.m., caught a cab to the Upper East Side and shot a commercial for J. Hadley jewelry in Carl Schurz Park. We shot for about four hours next to the East River and I think I'm a little sunburned. It's a beautiful, sunny day in New York City. The shadows are filled with that hard, cold "certain slant of light" that betokens winter's coming. I always think of that line from the poem by Emily Dickinson every year as summer ends. The light really changes around now, it becomes very crisp and sharp... I guess it's just the humidity dispersing, but I like Emily's lyrical take on it better, although it's a sad poem and today's a happy day, so it doesn't really fit.... we'll just ignore the rest shall we but for that one line?
We wrapped the commercial at twelve and then I went to pick up my puppy. She arrived safe, sound and with less nerves on display than I had... She's a sweet, calm, loving girl currently napping on my lap as I write this. Her favorite toys so far are not her many puppy toys but her sister (cats) feathery catnip mice toys. I hope that's a good sign?
As for the cats they're a mixture of indifferent and terrified. I think they think she's just a passing freak of mine. In the old sense of the word "freak"-- like a fad or a hobby I'll give up on very soon. I don't think they've quite realized she's come to stay.
We tried to walk her, but she is to enamored of all the redolent smells of a city street and preening already a wee bit from all the attention she's receiving from her already many admirers to grasp the concept of what a walk is meant to be.
She's just as beautiful inside as out so far, afraid of nothing at all except city trucks and preferring to poo on the floor than cement. She hasn't quite got that concept down yet. It is kinda weird. Who can blame her? Would you intuitively grasp you're meant to pee on the sidewalk? I hope not.
It was hard to get a good photo of her...She won't hold still except when she suddenly conks out as she currently has. I think I'll nap myself and try to post some preview pics from the Silk and Cyanide lookbook shot I did last week.
Happy fall days!
What I'm Wearing:
Thrifted Dress, Urban Outfitters Knit Cap, Photos by Aaron Kinney
I wanted to share this lovely day with you all! Ryan came back after being away four days and we had numerous things to celebrate.
1. He was off interviewing for an adjunct law school position and he got the job! It's just to teach once a year, a workshop for only a week, luckily for me, and even better next time I'll go with him. I missed him so badly by the third day I was distraught. It's not healthy I know! We're working on my "separation issues" as we call it-- a term usually applied for needy dogs than for grown women...
For example we went to Pet Smart today to buy a collar for our new puppy, and as we searched around we walked past the doggy daycare. A dog was howling for his owner at the top of his lungs-- i.e. separation issues, and I thought to myself, yes, that's kind of-- no, it's exactly how I feel when Ryan isn't here...
Honestly, I feel like this (see below), even though that doesn't make sense since we are together... Oh I'm the Queen of Irrationality, trust me. I start imagining life before we were together, and it reminds me of when I was unspeakably sad all the time and then I imagine what if we weren't together and when he's away we're not technically together, are we...and oh! It's a mess... I'm working on it. And there's no better way to work through things than music I find.
I'm definitely learning this song just like a million copycat girls on youtube I saw. None of them has Adele's soul though, technically brilliant though a lot of them were. God, she's beautiful, don't you think? Watch it live! The melody is hard but the chords are surprisingly simple for guitar. And did I mention I am now in love with Adele? I really hope she comes to NYC soon...
But anyway enough sad songs.I promised TWO reasons to celebrate.
2. Zolie, our puppy, is arriving Tuesday morning. The whole family is going to be together at last in only 48 hours.
And that's the best reason to celebrate!
Make that champagne for two! Er...Prosecco rather. Cheaper and tastier than champagne.
The only way to celebrate is with a carbfest at an Italian restaurant: bread and black pasta!
We walked off a few calories around the Lower East Side. Ryan's obsessed with water towers...once you notice them, you'll get obsessed, too! Suddenly, they're everywhere...
I love this old church... It's one of the oldest in the city. It's like an oasis in this shot. The eye of the storm at least.
One last thing to prepare for Zolie's arrival Tuesday. I wanted to get the indignity over with today, so the cats didn't identify it with the puppy and another reason to resent her. I covered the cats' claws in soft, pink rubber tips called Soft Claws. They only cost $10 and they're a much, much more humane option than declawing your cat. They last about eight weeks, and the cats didn't even notice them... well maybe at first they were a little grumpy...
But then they quickly grew accustomed to them! Hope you had a wonderful Sunday as well.
P.S. I crocheted that purple blanket while watching movies for Ryan's birthday. I TOLD you I watch a lot of movies...
I have a new site to house my portfolio, since my old site
through DA Portfolio couldn't house video work. And I've been doing lots of video like the one above for example, so...I moved! Deviant Art has a free portfolio service for artists. It's great but limited. You can only put up 10 or so pics per gallery and only have four galleries. Weebly and Wix are much better sites for models and actors to build their own websites. I prefer (and LOVE) Weebly; they have extremely helpful staff who've been ready and willing to hold my hand through learning to build my own sites and blogs. And you can purchase your domain space through them as well.
Please check out my newest site
and let me know what you think when you have a moment! Should I purchase a new domain? I'm holding off for a bit until I get feedback. i'd love to figure out how to incorporate my writing, modeling and blog into one site. I'm trying to get more tech-savvSo feed me please;)!
I'm hard at work this Saturday afternoon, spending quality time with my kitties, catching up on email, cleaning house, reading a great new book White Noise
by Don DeLillo. Last night I came home early from the rock concert. It was just too loud and crazy in Santos' Party House (seriously, that was the name of the concert hall and naturally, with a name like that, filled to the brim with hipsters). I sat at home alone blissfully, happily eating street meat. This is a VERY New York thing-- i.e. buying meat sandwiches on the street like my favorite-- a chicken gyro-- and eating them late night, yum, while watching weepy movies like Untamed Heart
and happily crying your eyes out... (Okay sharing too much again ;))
Meanwhile Ryan's at a football game in Notre Dame (about a thousand miles away from the city) with about ten million of his friends, and we're both 100 percent content. That's the best kind of relationship in my experience-- when you can both be yourselves and value your differences.
Hope you're having a relaxing Saturday as well! What's your favorite way to relax?
On a lighter note (after the last post
I feel like I need it!) I had a great day today and wanted to share it. I woke up in a fantastic mood after having had wine, cheese and crackers and a strategy session with my friend Anelisa,
a beautiful model and actress. I worked a little, went to the gym, then prepped for my shoot for the lookbook Silk and Cyanide
After the shoot at the wine bar Immigrant in the East Village (can't wait to share the pics with you guys! The bar was BEAUTIFUL. All brick walls and carved wood.) I strolled home window-shopping...er tried window-shopping. New York is my downfall...I saw this beautiful bag on a mannequin and fell in...well, not "love". That's too strong a word. But lust is downright judicious.
I stopped in Cadillac's Castle as well, a consignment shop in the East Village two buildings down from the Immigrant. I always find something great and not at all pricey-- like this gorgeous cocktail ring on consignment and very reasonably priced.
The wallet I actually got for practically nothing at an outlet in New Hampshire. The bag broke the bank for sure. With a puppy coming I really can't afford to blow all my available savings... However, lately I'm obsessed with all things Alexander McQueen. A designer I could never afford, and this bag really fit in with his aesthetic, was excellent quality and within my price range, and can be worn three ways making it highly practical and, and....You can see how the mind of a shopaholic works! Or "works" rather.
Really I saw it and that was it.
"You are the perfect person for this bag," the saleslady said saying just the right nonsensical thing. I'm sure she would have said that to any crazy person who walked in there as wild-eyed as I was for this bag! It definitely went perfectly with the outfit I was already wearing I'll give her that-- combat boots, a ragged elephant tee and a long gothic skirt. What do you think?
Too bad there really wasn't enough light for outfit photos...I shouldn't post these, but I just LOVE this bag and thought you all would love it, too. The closeup of the stills came out nice, I think?
On a side note I know the camera adds ten pounds but still...My kitty only weighs 15 lbs! So mathematically that's complicated. Er...maybe "only" isn't a great word. She really has gotten enormously fat. I'm worried about her. Really, really worried all joking aside. Strict diet time. This is not going to be fun. She loves her kibble.
I love this next picture. It seems to say: "I love you no matter what."
What do you think of my purse?? Worth going off-budget??
I've got to run. I'm going to a rock concert tonight...I've been quite strangely (for me) social lately...
Have a great weekend!
What I'm Wearing:
Charlotte Russe Knit Hat, Thriftstore Polka Dot Dress, F21 Leather Flower Pin
I found out you can live with a broken heart this past winter. I found this out, because someone I thought could never hurt me, would never want to hurt me, who had exclusive access to my heart and an exclusive ability to wound me mortally did just that. Hurt me. Broke my heart. She destroyed me for months.
No, this isn't another love story. You can recover much faster from a love story I've learned than this kind of heart break. Romantic love has a half-life everyone knows that. Some half-lives are longer than others that's all...Family is supposed to be forever. Except when it's not. This winter my half-sister wrote me that she never wanted to speak to me again. My sister. My own blood.
I can still remember when she was born. Her mother is Haitian, and we wondered for months before her birth if she would have green eyes or brown. Coarse hair or silky hair. How would the mixture of albino French and ebony Haitian come out? We couldn't wait.
She was beautiful when she arrived. A sumo wrestler, her mother called her. Fatter than any baby I'd ever seen and a pale yellow shade of brown that deepened to cocoa as she got older. Her hair grew very long very quickly, starting off as a hilarious halo of wiry black and turning to thick long waves that we'd braid into three giant braids and tame with coco-smelling products, thick, goopy, very different from what me and my (only full) sister use on our own hair.
She was beautiful, but she was strange from the beginning. Distant and peevish frequently. It was little wonder. My step-mother was a beautiful woman, but not someone particularly interested in infants. She never held my sister. Never. "Oh, there's going to be trouble from this," I remembered thinking. My step-mother spent most of her time at work or out with her many friends, and I tried to make up for it. In the summers I spent there, I held my half-sister every second that I could. My sister and I kissed her so much, her face would begin to smell like spit, poor thing. We'd have to bathe her to regain her sweet baby scent.
I would sit on the porch and rock her, tell her stories, play with her. I never got bored. It was a revelation to me. I had always thought babies were boring. But I never did! And her mother never held her.
And oh, there's going to be trouble from this, I remember thinking.
My dad and step-mother employed a live-in nanny since they both were very career-oriented, and I'll never forget the day my sister stood in her crib, lifting her tiny brown arms and calling "Mama" but not to my stepmother...rather to Nana, the dominican nanny. My stepmother stood still, electrified. Nana didn't last.
And oh there's definitely going to be trouble, I remember thinking.
My sister is a young woman now. As cold and distant and beautiful as her mother. She's managed to estrange the entire family. She has no friends from what I've heard. She quickly scares off potential lovers. But I still loved her. I tried.
But in the same way that I cradled her and covered her with kisses, I had to be a good big sister to her. As I read her facebook statuses-- peevish, angry or preening-- I had to say something to her. Despite my words she continued to hate everything and everyone-- Paris, art school, her friends-- and brag on facebook about the many compliments she received from men. She was arrogant and unkind. She continued to estrange the entire family, her few friends, her boyfriends... Then one day I saw on facebook she'd been coming to New York City on her school vacation and partying a block from my apartment at her favorite club. ONE BLOCK. She never visited me or let me know she was nearby. The pain from that treatment was overwhelming.
I didn't want to see her facebook page any longer, so I defriended it. That was perhaps the wrong move, but I was fed up. As fed up at last as everyone else. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't think she'd even notice honestly. But she did.
She didn't ask me what was wrong or write me that I'd upset her. She blocked me. But only after writing me a cruel and hurtful message. It maybe said to whit: she didn't want to speak to me any longer. Ever again. She added some hurtful words that I didn't read for her sake as much as mine. I felt my heart crumble inside me. What had happend to the sumo wrestler? My sweet little sister? She was gone.
She's unblocked me since. Appears on my skype list, too...I haven't deleted her there. Even as I am writing this, her name popped up on my screen. But we don't speak. We can't. So many ways to ignore each other in the modern world.
What more can I do? I tried to hold her when she was a baby, to make up for everything, to be a good big sister...My first children's book that I wrote that Viking almost picked up I wrote for her, because there were no books with heroines of color at that time. And every ounce of my love I feel for her I'll always feel, but how can you let someone hurt you over and over and over? Even someone you love that much. At some point you have to be a good big sister to yourself, too. And being open to people willing to throw down ultimatums, who blow you off, who have no time for you, who never hug and kiss you...who have learned how to treat people based on the way they were treated themselves, it's a recipe for an unhappiness in my heart that could go on forever. And I deserve better.
I was angry, overwhelmingly angry for months after her email and the fact that she'd blown me off yet again, because that wasn't the first time she'd come to New York and not visited me. Despite my being here for years, she only ever visited me once in fact...I was full of crippling anger and a sense of betrayal. But then one night I dreamed a healing dream.
In the dream we were little kids again in the Caribbean where my dad ran a luxury resort for several years. Every Sunday there was a brunch on the terrace and live music from a band of Caribbean musicians, and from the time she was a tiny tot she always loved to dance. Me, my sister and tiny half-sister in the dream formed a circle, holding hands and we danced. Her three thick braids swung round and round and her blue princess dress billowed out. All three of us danced, and I felt my love for her strong as ever.
When I woke up the anger was gone, but the pain will be with me a long time. I think the best thing I can do as a big sister now is to know I love her and to let her go until she can be a good sister to me. And that's for her to figure out. I pray she does. I love you, my half-sister. I miss you... I can't let you make me suffer anymore though. I have to move on. I have to let you go.
Libya is free today, and so am I. There are many other people who need and want my love...including me ;)
I kind of feel like a little kid tonight. I got my new camera yesterday, and I can't stop playing with it. I've been suffering from insomnia lately, so I thought I might as well post my first pictures here in the middle of the night..or 6 a.m. in America right now. That's a reasonable hour to get up. But I don't need an excuse. That's the nice part about being an adult and having a new present... You can play with it as long as you like and no one can tell you you ought to go to bed and get some sleep!
I am literally driving my cats nuts practicing photography on them. Poor babies! They were unwilling but free models for Mommy to practice on. Please excuse their peeved expressions. They're actually very sweet kitties generally speaking. Above is Huckleberry and below is Daisy trying to take a nap, clearly beseeching me with her eyes to leave her be. Both names are derived from the fine as wine dialogue that makes up the film Tombstone. Ten points if you can quote which lines! It was my ex-boyfriend's favorite movie. I let him name the cats in a clever ploy to soften him up about us having pets. My current boyfriend has renamed my kitties Pinhead and Lumpybottom-- the one referring to her rather small head in proportion to her enormously fat body and the other to Daisy's strange fur formation on her...um...how to put this delicately? Bottom. She had an unfortunate accident when she was a kitten requiring hip surgery and acquired a bald patch on her bottom that never grew back.
Anyway I think they're both perfect the way they are. Fat and lumpy and loveable.
Little do they know what further tortures await them in five days in the form of their new sister, Zolie. Our puppy is coming home to live with us next Tuesday. I cannot wait! I cannot sleep!
Have a great Thursday!
Photo by RVB, Styling by Me, Makeup and Hair by Me
by my own sweet, Thea. She lives on the other side of the world, but people like her are exactly why I wanted to start to blog. It's incredible how many warm, kind-hearted people with similar interests there are out there in the blogosphere. And in Thea in particular, I feel like I've made a new friend!
She encouraged me when I was down. Literally! I took this blog down for a month right after I started working on it. I felt discouraged, but as many successful bloggers have pointed out it takes a while for people to know you're there. Don't give up! If you're at the point I was then, then don't give up! I'm glad Thea kept at me till I put it back up. It's been such a source of inspiration and growth in my life, helping me value all the things I have and want to go out of my way to find new things to explore and share on here.
That's one great argument for starting a blog, no? And the other...
Even if you only make one friend, as I have with Thea (and I hope she feels the same way), then it's worth it. She's such a brave, funny, smart as a whip lass. Be sure to check out her blog and sign up so you too can benefit from knowing her:http://limechartreuse.blogspot.com/